a happier ending

mari bicara lagi tentang hati......

so there I was. scrolling my timeline and everything, sampe akhirnya nemu twit teman saya @vano_vann yang buat aku, sangat menggelitik. twit dia ngomong tentang bagaimana konsep happy ending tidaklah selalu ending-ending seperti yang selalu disney ato filem-filem kasih ke kita via kisah-kisah unyu cowo ganteng dan cewe ganteng, which I blame them for such expectation. happy ending di dunia kita ini, which is the real deal and not some enchanted realm, kadang bukan sebuah akhir yang bahagia. twit yang umor itu diakhirinya dengan tagar #FilemThailand. aku emang gak selalu nonton film Thailand, tapi sekalinya nonton uh...yah, sesak. nyesek abis :')

kayak aku sama kamu, dek.. nyesek adanya. mumumumu

He is trying to tell us, that our lives, aren't some cute Disney's movie. lebih mirip ama filem Thailand #uhh

So in response, I tweeted to him: "One should learn to let go of their happy ending for a happier ending" seperti yang bisa kalian lihat di atas. itu aku yang bikin lhoooooo, enggak nyontek :(. apa yang aku twit adalah buah pemikiran spontan seorang pria galau ketika ngeliat twit yang pas sama kehidupannya :')

and that, is what got me thinking..
because that one folks, is the bittersweet truth.

happy ending is overrated. 

jaman sekarang, susah maaaannnn buat berharap semua-semua berjalan sesuai ekspektasi kamu. dunia ini sangat unpredictable. seperti yg aku tulis di tulisan terdahulu, bahkan hal sekecil apapun yang kamu lakuin bisa bikin plan A kamu berantakan sehingga kamu harus bahagia dengan plan B atau C, itu pun kalo kamu punya. misalnya nih yaaaa, kamu adalah orang yang alergi laktosa, jadi sekalinya minum susu pasti mencret-mencret nggak karuan. malam nanti kamu punya rencana buat nongkrong di Selasar Kartini/Jalan Lingkar bareng temen-temenmu yang gaul bukan kepalang itu. tapi sorenya kamu malah minum cimory 5 botol. yakali nongkrong. bisa-bisa kamu kurus saat kamu membuka mata esok harinya karena begitu banyaknya dosa-dosa yang keluar dari tubuh kamu. sementara temen-temen kamu mengalami malam yang seru dengan kaos barung-nya, helm INK-nya dan baju-baju singlet hardcore metal yang denger namanya aja bikin bergidik karena ada konser dangdut dadakan di Polres Salatiga. ealah. ya kan? repot kan? REPOT. hari gini mau berharap semua hal ada dalam kontrol kamu itu, sama gak mungkinnya kayak mata kuliah BT Metpen-nya Bu S*i selesai dalam waktu 30 menit. tuh.

Karena apa teman-temanku yang baik hatinya? karena kita tinggal dalam sebuah dunia yang teramat dinamis. sementara kamu ngelamunin happy ending kamu, dunia dan isinya terus bergerak, dan jaman sekarang gerakannya udah ngawur saudara-saudara. ketika kamu sadar dari lamunan kamu-eh, your world is some another place.

lalu, apakah berharap punya happy ending itu salah? nggak sih menurutku. toh itu mah hak orang ya buat punya happy ending sesuai versi masing-masing. kalo aku sendiri gimana? until now, until I wrote this, I have my kind of happy ending. I myself am a big-time daydreamer. Here's my thought about my happy ending: lulus cepet dengan IPK tinggi, kerja di tempat kerja yang prestisius, jadi kaya, bikin usaha sendiri, jadi tambah kaya... terus mati deh. sambil senyum tuh pasti matinya hahahaha.

even you.. you were the part of my happy ending.
the part of my daydream.

yah, meskipun cetek begitu, I think I could be happy that way. siapa sih orang yang gak ingin "memaksimalkan" hidup selama ada di dunia fana ini? hehehe..

happy ending, sebuah konsep yang setelah aku sadar, harus aku drop. aku melihat happy ending masing-masing orang, sebenernya lebih kayak pernyataan dia tentang apa yang akan bikin dia bahagia. terdengar egois? iya emang. tapi boleh? boleeeeeeehhh, sapa juga yang ngelarang, itu kan hak kita semua. tapi, kalo menurutku sih, yah, dicek aja deh. who's the center of your happy ending? of damn course it is YOU. our happy ending terlalu "kita-sentris". is there any place for others there? ada tempat tersisa nggak buat mereka yang mungkin suatu saat akan membutuhkan kita?

that's why, I'm giving up my happy ending. this is not simple. sangat tidak semudah kamu menanggalkan celanamu ketika kamu hendak berak. semua orang tidak akan dengan mudahnya membiarkan impiannya, membiarkan apa yang menjadi happy ending versinya, lewat begitu saja. kadang-kadang, happy ending dia ini terlalu banyak kenangannya (#np raisa-terjebak nostalgia), ato terlalu banyak keinginan dia buat ngedapetin happy ending yang menurut dia, dia bisa happy dengan itu. susah asli. asli susah.

tapi pada saatnya, kamu akan tahu kapan kamu harus ngerelain impian kamu tadi. karena teman-teman, ada satu faktor yang daritadi belom kita jamah:

"God"

Tuhan. jangan sedetikpun lupa.

God knows the best. and He never gives us less than that. ini yang harus kita semua percaya. Tuhan punya rancangan yang luar biasa menunggu anak-anakNya di depan sana. yang kita perlukan cuma iman, that God has the best in store for you. meski gimanapun gak enaknya keadaan kamu, gimana semua hal tidak sesuai harapan kamu, how things get outta control, tetap harus kamu pelihara sepotong iman dalam hati kamu. seperti kata Ibrani 11:1, iman adalah "dasar dari segala sesuatu yang kita harapkan dan bukti dari segala yang tidak kita lihat". meskipun semua-semua udah mulai gaje, kamu nggak tau arah jalan pulang, kamu nggak tau mana nasi goreng yang pedes dan nggak pedes, kamu harus yakin kalo bersama Tuhan, ada jaminan bahwa kamu, nyet, pasti bakal dapetin yang terbaik buat kamu.

jadi kenapa saya melepaskan happy ending saya dan membawa-bawa Tuhan disini? karena teman-teman, menurutku kok percuma ya kita bikin a happy ending sesuai bayangan kita, padahal kita bisa dapet lebih? you have your happy ending, so why stop there? why do you want a happy ending when you could have a happier ending? we will get more than we ever imagined, ketika masa depan kita, kita serahin sama Tuhan.

Biarkan Tuhan, dengan tanganNya yang ajaib, menggambar setiap detail dalam hidup kamu agar hidup kamu itu gak biasa-biasa aja mblo. Biar Tuhan bikin hidup kamu jadi martabak spesial instead of martabak kacang biasa *fyuuuhh* 

Sehingga, saat Tuhan mengijinkan kamu ngedapetin happier ending, yang terberkati bukan cuman kamu seorang. tapi buanyaaak orang lain yang Tuhan sertakan dalam rencana-Nya atas kita.

To do that? we have to make the best of ourselves, make the best out of anything we do. it means we have to stop wasting our time drawing the imagination that we think we could find happiness in there. tinggalkan hal-hal yang tidak memberi nilai tambah buat hidup kamu (misalnya aku berharap, suatu saat kamu bakal jadi punyaku *ahh). temukan sesuatu yang berguna, dan kerjakan itu. kerjakan dengan baik. ketika kita ngelakuin itu semua, jalan menuju "happy ending of God's version" semakin terbuka lebar. mau nggak?

aku mau.

who needs a happy ending, when having a happier one is so much likely?

berlaku juga sih buat masalah cinta-cintaan ya hehe. pasti aku dan kamu sama--ketika kita naksir orang, yang ada ngebayangiiiiiiin terus. dari ngebayangin dia dan wajah cantik/gantengnya, atau wajah jeleknya (buat kamu yg punya gebetan/pacar yang nggak terlalu...rupawan/jelek.) waktu kamu mau tidur, kamu bangun tidur, waktu kamu di kamar mandi #eh yang dibayangin juga macem maceeeeemmmm adanya, tergantung lokasi ngebayanginnya sih :3 #ehlagi. misalnya yaa misaaal, kamu ngebayangin suatu saat kamu dan gebetan kamu ini akhirnya udah tiba di penghujung jomblo (artinya udah saling suka! gitu aja gak paham, dasar jomblo, gak pernah ngerasain begitu yaaa~), terus seharian penuh kamu nemenin dia ke luar kota (misalnya Semarang) buat urus keperluannya dia, abis itu kalian nonton film dengan genre yang kalian berdua sama-sama suka di XXI (mungkin horror biar bisa peluk-peluk unyu gitu), abis itu kalian akhiri hari itu dengan ngopi di sebuah kafe yang syahdu abis di pinggiran kota sebelum berdua ini pulang ke Salatiga, dan disana kamu nembak dia, terus dia bilang iyaaa xD awawawawaw, it ended happily.. ahhh henaakk.. padahal di dunia nyata kalian kenal aja enggak..................................

that's our kind of happy ending.

I had my kind of happy ending too. about you, dek. (but not the bathroom thing... here I solemnly swear)

I imagined a life, well, a life when finally, you and me together. I liked how it looked in my daydream. it was cute as hell, we together :3

but, I just let that one goes. I finally realized that there's no point of waiting miracles to happen while I'm just sitting here doing nothing. I gotta work for it. I know how hard it had been, trying to forget you. you----the part of my happy ending.

but realizing now, that I could have a much happier ending, I'll let this pass.

if it's not you, there must be a better person for me out there. if it isn't me, there must be another great guy out there been searching for you, dek, but maybe no better than I am :p
God knows, He's watching. and he knows the best for us.

this is for you again,
the one who I can finally let go :)

you

amazing how life could give you so much turns of events.

it doesn't concerns the lights, the crowds, nor the fireworks of things

even the smallest things that you think, you said, you done

could possibly give you a "detour" from what was best.


this is a story, well, about you.
you, the lesson of my life.
i learned a lot. oh yes I do. I learned how to make bad decisions, and screwed myself all along. I learned to follow my lust, just to see my heart broken. I learned how to disobey my feelings, which brings me where I am now. I learned, that everything I did then, I drew myself further from you.

I learned how destructive pride is. thanks to you.

if time is some kinda thingy-things I have in my hands, first thing in the morning is going back to that point of time that I would regret in my life now. I'll go, to fix things up. to set shits straight. to give myself, the messy-minded douchebag, one hard bitch slap to the back of my head. I would totally do that, if it could wake the shit out of me, that my choice of taking the decision I took in that damned evening is bad and I should feel bad.

If time is some things I can control, I would do anything. aaaaaanything, to keep me away from that fucking bad decision.

I would keep us away, from the idea of us, not being together.

not like this.

I am grateful, to hear a story of how I met you. of how you met me, and how you tell the how-how yourself to me. trust me, my feeling that night? it's incomparable. I am one happy douchebag that night thanks to you. God gave us some great stories to tell.

and i don't like the possibility that this ends like this.

with you, probably putting an end to what we can have together.

days became a horror to me. getting worse whenever I saw you, and shit, it was frequent. it hurts me so damn much just for making one smile at you. it hurts that I could only have some itsy-bitsy small talks with you, when we could have past-midnight convos like we used to had for some time. I'm dying to know how your day was, what makes you smile today, what might upsets you, what may have you caught in fear... I..

I miss you.

and I have this question that going on in my mind like all the time:
"do you miss me too?"

I'm dead to rights. I have no justification to say "I miss you" and shit.

I can't turn this around. if the choice is mine, I would.

even you subtly told me to move on, you asked me to leave. well yes no shit babe, I will. I will get myself out from this calamity, with or without somebody tell me to.
Of course I will.
I just don't know when.
I just don't know when's when to pack my bag and bury all this....
But I'll be ready when I'm ready.

But, then again,
I will be moving on, I will be cruising my ship,
I will continue my voyage, with a hope in my heart,
that you will be there too.
beside me when I'm moving on. beside me when I'm cruising my ship. beside me when I continue my voyage.

Because it's been you. it always been you...
you're the one who I want. but maybe, doesn't necessarily what I need right now.
But I know, I just know, God watches over us. and He knows we're worth it...
And He will let us know what's best for you. and me.

you tell me, remember? to live our lives happily.
thank you. I always am happy.
But I think I could take some more happiness. to be with you.
and I am certain that, I know a guy who knows a guy who would try his best to make you happy.

that guy is me.

thanks.
thanks for the stories.
thanks for the lesson.

I hope God will let our paths crosses again someday.
and when it happens, I WON'T LET YOU SLIP OUT OF MY HANDS AGAIN.
but when it's not, I know God knows the best.



this is for you,
dear hopefully the one.