you

amazing how life could give you so much turns of events.

it doesn't concerns the lights, the crowds, nor the fireworks of things

even the smallest things that you think, you said, you done

could possibly give you a "detour" from what was best.


this is a story, well, about you.
you, the lesson of my life.
i learned a lot. oh yes I do. I learned how to make bad decisions, and screwed myself all along. I learned to follow my lust, just to see my heart broken. I learned how to disobey my feelings, which brings me where I am now. I learned, that everything I did then, I drew myself further from you.

I learned how destructive pride is. thanks to you.

if time is some kinda thingy-things I have in my hands, first thing in the morning is going back to that point of time that I would regret in my life now. I'll go, to fix things up. to set shits straight. to give myself, the messy-minded douchebag, one hard bitch slap to the back of my head. I would totally do that, if it could wake the shit out of me, that my choice of taking the decision I took in that damned evening is bad and I should feel bad.

If time is some things I can control, I would do anything. aaaaaanything, to keep me away from that fucking bad decision.

I would keep us away, from the idea of us, not being together.

not like this.

I am grateful, to hear a story of how I met you. of how you met me, and how you tell the how-how yourself to me. trust me, my feeling that night? it's incomparable. I am one happy douchebag that night thanks to you. God gave us some great stories to tell.

and i don't like the possibility that this ends like this.

with you, probably putting an end to what we can have together.

days became a horror to me. getting worse whenever I saw you, and shit, it was frequent. it hurts me so damn much just for making one smile at you. it hurts that I could only have some itsy-bitsy small talks with you, when we could have past-midnight convos like we used to had for some time. I'm dying to know how your day was, what makes you smile today, what might upsets you, what may have you caught in fear... I..

I miss you.

and I have this question that going on in my mind like all the time:
"do you miss me too?"

I'm dead to rights. I have no justification to say "I miss you" and shit.

I can't turn this around. if the choice is mine, I would.

even you subtly told me to move on, you asked me to leave. well yes no shit babe, I will. I will get myself out from this calamity, with or without somebody tell me to.
Of course I will.
I just don't know when.
I just don't know when's when to pack my bag and bury all this....
But I'll be ready when I'm ready.

But, then again,
I will be moving on, I will be cruising my ship,
I will continue my voyage, with a hope in my heart,
that you will be there too.
beside me when I'm moving on. beside me when I'm cruising my ship. beside me when I continue my voyage.

Because it's been you. it always been you...
you're the one who I want. but maybe, doesn't necessarily what I need right now.
But I know, I just know, God watches over us. and He knows we're worth it...
And He will let us know what's best for you. and me.

you tell me, remember? to live our lives happily.
thank you. I always am happy.
But I think I could take some more happiness. to be with you.
and I am certain that, I know a guy who knows a guy who would try his best to make you happy.

that guy is me.

thanks.
thanks for the stories.
thanks for the lesson.

I hope God will let our paths crosses again someday.
and when it happens, I WON'T LET YOU SLIP OUT OF MY HANDS AGAIN.
but when it's not, I know God knows the best.



this is for you,
dear hopefully the one.